Teaching Pronouns to Children Who Mix Them Up

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Does your child say:

“You want a snack?”

when they really mean:

“I want a snack”?

Or maybe they use “you” throughout the the day when talking about themselves.

Pronouns like I, me, my, you, and your can be tricky because their meaning changes depending on who is talking.

Think about what a child hears throughout the day:

“Do you want milk?” (Here, you means the child.)

Then Mom says:

“I need my shoes.” (Now I means Mom.)

For a child who is still developing language, figuring out these changing roles can take time.

Why Some Children Repeat “You”

Some children learn language by repeating words, questions, or larger phrases they've heard.

For example, a child may frequently hear:

“Do you want a cookie?”

Later, when they want a cookie, they may say:

“Do you want a cookie?”

They may have learned that entire phrase as something associated with getting a cookie.

Instead of repeatedly correcting the child, we can help by giving them lots of opportunities to hear language modeled from their perspective.

Model More. Question Less.

We often ask:

“Do YOU want juice?”

“What do YOU want?”

“Would YOU like more?”

Without realizing it, we're giving the child lots of models using you.

Instead, try modeling exactly what you would like your child to eventually say:

If they reach for juice, say: “I want juice.”

If they need help, say: “Help me.”

If they want another turn, say: “My turn.”

You don't need to require your child to repeat the phrase. You're simply giving them useful language at the exact moment it has meaning.

Offer Choices Using the Words You Want Them to Learn

Choices are a great way to practice.

Instead of:

“Do you want water or juice?”

try:

“I want water... or I want juice.”

Or hold up two toys and model:

“I want the cat... or I want the dog.”

Then wait.

Your child might point, reach, look toward an item, say one word, or use the whole phrase. All of those can communicate a choice.

You can use this throughout the day:

• Snack: “I want crackers” or “I want grapes.”

• Play: “I want blocks” or “I want cars.”

• Getting dressed: “I want the blue shirt” or “I want the green shirt.”

• Activities: “I want bubbles” or “I want Play-Doh.”

Try These Everyday Pronoun Activities

You don't need flashcards or a special therapy activity. Practice can happen naturally throughout the day.

Take turns. Model “My turn!” and “Your turn!” while passing a toy, ball, puzzle piece, or other object back and forth.

Use actions. Try “I am jumping. You are sitting.” Then switch roles. Physical actions can make the changing meaning of I and you easier to understand.

Use photos. Look at pictures of your child and model phrases such as “That's me!” “My shoes,” or “I have a hat.”

Give and receive. Pass an object back and forth while modeling “For you,” “For me,” “My turn,” and “Your turn.”

Don't Worry About Correcting Every Mistake

If your child says:

“You want juice.”

instead of responding:

“No. Say, ‘I want juice.’”

try:

Child: “You want juice.”

Adult: “I want juice!" (and then hand them the juice without asking them to repeat you - just provide a model!)

The child successfully communicated an important message: they want juice!

Acknowledge the communication first, then provide a helpful model.

So this week, I want you to try this:

Don't quiz.

Don't require repetition.

Don't worry about correcting every mistake.

Just give your child lots of opportunities to hear the language you eventually want them to use.

Sometimes a small change in how we talk to a child can give them a much clearer model for how to express themselves.

Karen Taylor, M.S., CCC-SLP, CAS

Speech-Language Pathologist

Founder, Universal Speech Strategies

"Helping parents and professionals build communication through practical, evidence-based strategies."